Sunday, April 7, 2013

W/S: Alien Invaders!!

This weeks post, while still applicable to Supernaturals, is most often applied to science fiction. Still it's an interesting view of what people think and what's likely in reality.

Let's start with the Aliens themselves.
Aliens are living (whether by our standards or not) or non-living (think robots) that are not native to our planet.
Honestly there are any multitude of possibilities when it come to what aliens could exist.
The place where a problem arrises is what people and writers think the earth having contact with aliens would entail.

Here's an easy one:

Humans being kidnapped by aliens and experimented on.

The problem with this idea is that Aliens who have enough intelligence to "Experiment" on people also have no reason to do so. The fact that they would have to be advanced enough to go unnoticed by modern technology also means that they could also have easy enough access to the internet and pretty much any data that's been collected over the course of human history. we've done more than enough experimintation on ourselves, and continue to do so to this day, to make extra expermintation unnessecary from a scientific standpoint.
Unless the experiments are testing something which would be beyond our current level of understanding, which given their advanced nature would be a possibility.

The Aliens are gonna invade. Mindless monsters, intent on eating everyone, and laying eggs inside us!!

OH NOESSSS!!!
There's only two ways this would be possible and they both make the chances of them happening highly problamatic and non-viable. In order for non sentient creatures to end up on our planet they'd need to either be:
 1) transported via spacial projectile, the largest of which would be a planet sized, well, planet. we'd see that coming, and the fact that it'd have to crash into us in order to deposit the aliens means we'd all probably die upfront anyways.
2)The second is to arrive via unnoticeable means, that means no giant asteroids or anything. Assuming that they can arrive unnoticed without destroying themselves or our planet the problem would be that our planet while being capable of supporting a wide variety of life, is not necessarily capable of supporting life that can travel through space or originates on another planet.
For example there's atmospheric pressure. There are creatures who live in the depths of our planets oceans that literally explode when the atmospheric pressure is reduced. The same is true of the opposite, people who attempt to travel to those depths can be crushed by the pressure.
Another example would be our atmosphere which for certain forms of life is actually toxic. In theory, a position could be taken that states that earth atmosphere is toxic to fish. That in a way would be true.

There are two other unlikely possibilities. One would be that intelligent aliens put creatures into space and sent them to a planet capable of sustaining them. However it seems unlikely that they would do so without having investigated the planet, due tot he fact that they'd want to avoid the above scenerio...
The other possibility is that intelligent creature sent hostile creatures adapted to destroy us. In which case we'd be screwed, anyways. This however would most likely be a crime for any intellectually advanced species. So the likely hood of that happening is probably the same as that of a serial killer killing off all whales.

Aliens are coming to enslave us, take our planet for themselves!

The problem with this is the same as above, what guarantees or planet would be hospitable? nothing that's what. Also chances are creatures intelligent enough to travel to our planet and want to take it over, are also smart enough to have robots for that shit.
It's also worth mentioning that in the event robots are sent to take over our planet, there is a chance we could win, but that'd probably be very unlikely since an race that would send robots ahead of them to take over the planet would probably just fuck with our atmosphere and kill us all.
which brings me to the next reason, Intelligent creature would not engage in discussion or combat with humans if the wanted the planet. They'd just bombard us from afar with missiles or change our atmosphere or introduce a plague or something.

We're just an experiment of our overlord masters.

IF this is the case, it doesn't really matter. We're either screwed or life will continue as it is. That's not that different from the way the world is now.

In closing the simple fact of the matter is that the chances of non-sentient aliens arriving and killing us all is probably non-existent. The chances of Sentient aliens arriving and killing us all or working with robots or non-sentient aliens to kill us all has only a slightly high chance. And finally sentient aliens would most likely be more advanced than we are, have an easy time learning all about us without taking "samples", and would probably contact us for peaceful talks, or not contact us at all.

Any scientist will tell you that interacting with the subjects skews the data.
Smooches.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Ask TheLostSigns #7

This weeks "Ask TheLostSigns" comes to you courtesy of the books i read this week. anna know what to do if your boss tries to get you to sign a sex contract? what about if your boyfriend has is really a shapeshifting "Aliens" monster who only looks human some of the time? Find out in this week post!

Dear TheLostSigns,
I'm really hard up. I just finished highschool, and live with my mother. I've decided to find a job and move out but the only employer to call me in for an interview is a 40-something Englishman who wants me to be a live in nude housemaid and sexual submissive. The pays great, but i'm not sure if it's the right position for me. 
What do you think?
Getting Really Anxious, Yeah

Oh GRAY, Child. I'm not one to judge (that's a lie. I totally judge.), but i don't think letting some dude twice your age use you as a sextoy WHILE YOU ALSO CLEAN HIS HOUSE is a good idea. Not only because of the obvious problems relating to power distribution between yourself and this person, but also because it might cause long term damage to your self-esteem.
Some people find that they enjoy a lifestyle of servitude that include sexual servitude, but it sounds like your being only considering this due to the lack of employment options. That should tell you it isn't for you.
Also, while i'm not comppletely up to date on what constitues prostitution, this sounds a hell of a lot like it. Are you willing to be a prostitute? Are you aware of the legality of prositution in the place where you live?
This doesn't sound safe in the slightest and i'd recommend refusing to participate in further interactions with this employer as well as reporting this to the Department of Labor in your area.
DON"T DO IT, AND REPORT THAT SHIT.
You'll be doing your community a favor.
Good Luck!

Yo TheLostSigns,
I got sent to kill this alien , but we ended up having crazy hot sex and now he's obsessed with me. He says that he's only half alien, and that he and i are biologically bonded. I agree that we're bonded, but i'm afraid, because the alien half he's descended from is known to be horrifically ugly, eat people's organs, and lay eggs in people. What should i do?
Worrying Takes Feelings

Hey WTF,
You are soooooo screwed. You could always just kill the guy like you were supposed to, right? But if you're seriously intent on making this work I reccomend fleeing at high speeds and holing yourself up somewhere safe.Once you've done that I suggest educating yourself on these aliens, from reputable sources ya hear, and then figuring out what you want to do after considering the risk of alien babies eating their way out of your chest.
You could also trying having faith in this guy, and trusting him not to well eat your organs, but thats something you have to decide for yourself.
Good Luck!
(cause you're as good as dead anyways)

Tune in next week for more Ask TheLostSigns. Only 3 more to go and then TheLostSigns might shelve this series for a while. Smooches.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

"TheLostSigns Interview Author AnAutumnRose!!!"

Today, TheLostSigns blog brings you an interview by the lovely AnAutumnRose. A long time friend of TheLostSigns, AnAutumnRose is a prolific artist, as well as, an author. This interview will mainly go over the authors story "The Identical Rule" which is available on Fiction Press. Feel free to check out her other types of art on her Deviantart Profile.

TheLostSigns(TLS): First off i'd like to thank you for agreeing to be interviewed for The Lost Signs blog, Autumn. Is there anything you haven't gotten to say or would like to say to readers of your work?

Autumn(ARW): Thank you! For interviewing me. I am so excited to be doing this with you! To the readers of my work, I want to thank them for being so patient with me (it's been a long while since I have updated my current story) and let them know that they won't have to wait much longer for the next installment.

TLS: Speaking of you current story, you make a point of mentioning that the main character's(MC's) mother is a traditionalist. What role do you feel tradition plays in your writing?

ARW: Tradition is the key issue for all of my characters in my writing, and especially in "The Identical Rule" The MC's Mother is trying to uphold traditions that have been set for at least the last 100 generations of Rulers. The MC's themselves will be forced to decide whether or not they agree with the current traditions and what that means for them, and their entire universe, in the long run. I think I focus on tradition so much in my stories because it's something I really didn't have growing up, and the very few traditions I did have were exceptionally hard to hold on to. I feel like that comes out in Lady Wynn (my MC's mother). She is a magnification of my desire for some solid traditions. So it plays a huge roll in my writing.

TLS: Speaking of Rulers, in the initial chapter of "The Identical Rule" you reveal that there are number of brother-Kings and their wives the queens. Can you speak a little on why this system exists in the story, the purpose it serves, or how it's been implemented in your stories universe?

ARW:  It's a tad bit complicated, but essentially within the area of the Universe that this story takes place it has become much more common for people to give birth to Multiple-sets of children instead of one Single child at a time. Scientists there believe that it is because the Ancients used so much artificial medication to boost fertility that it eventually became the norm for a woman's body to produce multiple offspring. Before the transition, The Galaxy-System (GS) was Ruled by one King and his Queen, but for a few generations the King (or Queen) would always have a set of identical multiples born (this trend continues to be the norm). There were generally a set quadruplets born in line to the throne, and it became increasingly harder to choose the son or daughter that would succeed the throne because they were all essentially the same age, give or take a few minutes. One generation the King died suddenly and his sons had not agreed with what order their father had put them in line for the throne and a giant civil war broke out amongst the four sons. Long story short, eventually all of the sons died but one, and during his reign he and his Queen had 6 children, an elder quadruple set of boys, and twin daughters. He decided that since the family line always had a quadruple pair born each generation, that should they be the first in line to rule the throne, they must rule together. Eventually it became a tradition that ONLY a quadruple set rule, and there are a whole bunch of other complicated things going on within the tradition in present day Ua'flor, and those will be explained in the book. A more mundane reason for this GS's tradition is that I am fascinated by identical children. I came up with the four sisters that this story is about when I was younger, and expanded on them as I have gotten older and more experienced about the need for explanations for things. I really hope that answers that question fully. ^_^

 *A picture of an Ua'flor system courtesy of AnAutumRose's Deviantart Profile.*

TLS: Can you explain why as an author it felt necessary for you to create a Galaxy-System within the universe of your story, and what exactly a Galaxy-System is?

ARW: Well, I created the term Galaxy-System to describe the many planets and Solar Systems that comprise Ua'flor because there just wasn't any other name out there for it. There are four main planets in the Solar System that the MC's live in, and some odd planets that aren't habitable. There are 4 or 5 Solar Systems within the Galaxy that they live in, and there are 2-3 Galaxy's within the entire System. (For my story's purpose, a Galaxy is a territorially defined set of Solar Systems. Ua'flor is Ruled by the Maji family, and it has been for thousands of years. There are a few more Galaxy Systems in existence, but they will only be briefly spoken about in the book.
I felt it necessary to create a Galaxy-System because I wanted to make sure that the idea's for this universe that I came up with when I was a 5th grader just dreaming things up could be in the story and make viable sense.. At least to me. :D

TLS: Your MC's appear to be telepathic, and you explain a bit about why that is shortly after introducing the characters. I've spoken before on my feeling about telepathy, and was wondering if you'd care to explain the limitations, beyond being limited to between sets of siblings?

ARW: My MC's are definitely telepathic, but they can't read anyone's mind. I would describe their telepathy as "purely projective telepathy," or "projective-receptive telepathy" and I would do this because Sibling sets can only hear the thoughts that their siblings send to them. They are purposefully talking to each other by using the ability. I haven't created any characters that have been able to forcefully read someones mind. Even the odd character that I've created that can project into anyone's mind cannot read anyone's mind unless there is particular spell cast, and then there is a lot of red-tape, so to speak, to go through for those particular characters in order to do so. I felt the need to include telepathy because, well, I like it, and because of the situation I put the four newest royals into. I mentioned in the the story that identical's can speak the clearest to each other, but that even mixed sets can speak to one another, and that is very important to the story line.


 *Artwork by AnAutumnRose entitled Earth Ankh.*

TLS: Moving on to environmental conditions, you mention in the initial chapters that it's raining. Is this rain in the way a person in real life would think of rain? How different our the planets in your story from earth in terms of climate and environmental conditions?

ARW: Yes, it was raining really, really hard... and it's exactly the kind of rain that we would experience here on Earth, just more all encompassing. The planet that the story is taking place in right now is mostly comprised of rain forests, and they get a lot of rain, but that day it was like a blanket on them. I would say that the individual climates and environments are essentially the same, just on a larger scale. In Mandhari, the Solar System that the Capital Planet is, there are four livable planets and their compositions are vastly different. Riana (the working name for my capital planet) is the one comprised of rain forests, Aigua is mostly oceans and seas, Mwali has a vast range of very high altitude mountains (The tectonic plates there are thicker and created more mountain ranges), and there is another un-named planet with volcanoes and swamps, and it's closer to the systems dual-suns. So I guess it's dependent on where the planet is, but everything is just an ecosystem that we could find here on Earth magnified to a global scale.


*Artwork by AnAutumnRose entitled Water Ankh V.2*

TLS: That's one of the things i greatly enjoy about your work. It's well thought out, and even if you find that changes are necessary they don't negate the whole that you've been building. I'd like to ask as a follow up and paired question to the last one: What kind of fauna can we expect in your story given the similar yet dissimilar environments when compared to Earths?

ARW: I'm so excited that you like it. Ooh, Even I'm not sure what exactly lurks everywhere on these planets... I'm excited to find out as I continue to write and build the universe and all its extremely diverse settings. There are definitely animals that look and seem like the ones we have here on Earth. For instance, in the next installment, which I will be posting soon, there are farms with what could be goats, and pets that are descendants of cats. There will be sentient creatures as well that even take part in the government, seeing as how they live where the Maji's rule... Basically, in the same fashion that the ecosystems on Earth are scaled up, you'll find creatures from Earth on a larger scale, and things that have evolved because of the immense planetary environments. For instance, since Aigua is covered with vast oceans and seas, the sea creatures have evolved to outnumber the people that have colonized there, and Riana is sure to have its fair share of giant insects. I am working on a private work book comprised of all the flora and fauna that will be found within the different planet systems... Like I said, I'm excited about them, creatures are so interesting to me.

TLS: Now, since your setting spans numerous worlds, i'd like to ask about technology within the Galaxy-Systems. The initial chapters give the impression of a sort of low technological environment similar to feudal earths, but during our interview you've mentioned fertility enhancement, which i'd think would necessitate a higher scale of technology then is immediately discernible. Can you share how technology plays a part in your universe?

ARW: Yes... well, Traditions play a part with what you've seen so far. . . The castle that they're in is extremely "high tech," but tradition mandates that the birth of the Royal Children be done in castle with a midwife and her assistants present. Lady Wynn is extremely interested in Tradition, and although there are what we would call modern hospitals on Riana, there was no way that she would give birth to the first set of children in line to the throne in a non-traditional way. There are planets within the Galaxy System that are technological to the extreme, with city-scapes that reflect what you can see on the Republics Capital planet, Coruscant in Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace. There are teleportation devices, but those have to be used with Magick, and space travel... which I haven't sorted out all the kinks, but I am working on the exact science behind all of it.

 *Artwork by AnAutumnRose entitled Fire Ankh.*

TLS: Ohhh, Magick!! You know i love me some Magick, lol. Can you tell us a bit about Magick in your universe, as well as clarify whether you mean natural Magick (i.e. abilities such as pyrokinesis) or ritual Magick (i.e. general spellcraft)?

ARW: Of course I do! and I couldn't exclude Magick, it's one of my most favorite things to read about. Magick is something that is pretty normal within the Universe at the time the story takes place, although, of course, there are planets/groups of peoples that are opposed to it's use. I'm sure that somewhere in the Royal Library there is a history book with some War fought on the subject.... But getting back to what we were talking about. There is natural Magick, such as the pyrokinesis that you mentioned, and other nature specific abilities. The spell for Teleportation is a form of ritual Magick, but it definitely helps if the person casting that spell has natural Magick abilities. Telepathic ability is also helpful with Teleportation, because communicating between the planets isn't always the easiest. Twins (who generally have the strongest telepathic abilities) are sought out to work at opposite teleport stations because they can speak with each other the clearest and for longer distances.

TLS: Also a sensitive subject when it comes to different culture is that of religion, which often walks hand in hand with tradition. Can you describe how religion is handled in your Galaxy-System, and what form it takes?

ARW: My Galaxy-System is poly-theistic. The general belief is that there is one greater higher power that manifests itself in a way that will best fit the people that it's serving... which is why the Maji family has been able to rule with so little religious discord for so many generations. There is a planet or two that believes that their Deity is the One True Deity and have tried to make a muck about it... and the Royals have had to be crafty in handling those people in rough times... The most trouble comes from outer Galaxy-Systems that believe in different Gods and Goddesses.. But all-in-all, since their religious beliefs are pretty much all-encompassing... it doesn't cause too many problems for the MC's. Which is all to the better for me, since religion can be really tricky.
I nearly forgot to add that there are no sentient beings that worship other sentient beings. I don't think I'm comfortable with that. So it's more ethereal.

*Artwork by AnAutumnRose entitled Air Ankh.*

TLS:  It's sadly time for last question. Having been a good friend of TheLostSigns for quite a few years, the fact that your bi-lingual is well known. How do you feel that affects not only your views on language within your universe, but also the ability to work with language, as all authors do, when creating your story?

ARW: Language has always fascinated me, which is why I have worked towards being multi-lingual and am bi-lingual now. I think that it has made me more aware of the importance of language within a culture, and it has made me want to incorporate more languages in my story. There are different languages in each solar system, and vastly different dialects on each planet within those, and there is a language that is used to communicate in political settings (that language is closely related to our English). I think that having the ability to speak in more than one language has made it easier for me to work with words in my own language, because I understood more of English and all of its intricacies after I took classes in other languages and Linguistics.

TLS: Sorry that took so long, and thank you so much once more for stopping by and doing an interview with me. As always TheLostSigns is hopeful your fans out there will enjoy hearing these questions answered and other interviewers or reviewers will have a bit more information to add to their write ups. Would you like to say anything else to the readers?

ARW: No problem, I have really enjoyed this. I am also hoping that they like it, as this is the first time any of the information has been posted about the way Ua'flor functions as a story-book universe. I want to let the readers know that I am so grateful for them reading my work and that I look forward to continuing the story on FictionPress and hearing what they think about it. Thanks so much for having me on your blog! I hope that this won't be the only time that I'm here. :)

TLS: Until next time, ya'll!! (^_^)

AnAutumRose can be found at her Fiction Press and Deviantart profiles.
CHECK IT OUT!!
....
As always, TheLostSigns encourages you to support you favorite artists if you can.

Free Fiction Tuesday: Seeds of Prophecy (Part 4)



“What do you thinks wrong with him, Toby?” said Phiobe, from where she sat watching Ubrin investigate the open space between the house and the wall separating the foreign dorms from the rest of the campus.

“I don’t know, Phi. He did seem rather off though, and don’t think I didn’t notice the way Ubrin was sniffing at him.” Toby replied, continuing to place his belongings in order within the first floor room that Phiobe hadn’t clamed for herself.

Tobias and Phiobe had arrived at the house shortly after the midday bell to find their belongings had already arrived and been placed in the first floors living area.  The living area was modestly furnished in neutral tones of white and beige, and took up most of the first floor. Further inspection had revealed a small sink and cooking prep area to the left of the main entrance as well as two large rooms with adjoining bathrooms along the back part of the floor. Having taken that in Reginald had shown the siblings to the second floor by way of a set of discrete stairs. The second floor was much like the first except where the first floor had only had two rooms the second had four, split into pairs with a bathroom set between them and each having access to the large balcony which spanned the back of the house.

The house itself did not appear to have hosted residents for quite some time though it had, as Reginald had explained, been cleaned in preparation for the siblings arrival.
The reason for the lack of other residents, Reginald had also explained was that although the group of two story homes that sat in a circle surrounding the open courtyard area were available exclusively for use by all foreign students, because of the other options available to such students often the six buildings went without residents.

Shortly before arriving at what would be their new home for the length of their stay at TUAMA, Reginald had pointed out one of those options. Across from the Foreign Students dorms were a row of dorms dedicated to different campus groups. Slightly bigger in size then the foreign students dorm houses, these Group homes served the housing needs of particular members of the student body.  Reginald had explained, though he hadn’t pointed out specific buildings, that certain abilities caused tension within other dorms or were simply easier on all involved when housed separately from the general population of students.
For example, he had said, persons with natural or cultivated ensorcellment abilities often chose to be housed in the group dorm dedicated to those with that particular ability since they were often treated with distrust by other students. While those with strong precognitive or empathic abilities where often invited to join the NUCOGPATH house since it had been found that certain types of Nulls helped temper the side effects of those gifts.

Faculty homes were placed along the opposite side of the paving hosted the Group homes eventually ending at the Headmistress’s home itself. While this path branched off from the one ending in the foreign homes, it started at the schools gates and ran solidly across the campus connecting the many separate buildings.

The campus tour had begun with that first step out of the Administrative building which, while Toby had thought of the Administrative Building as being a singular structure, Reginald had revealed, was actually part of what the school referred to as The Quad. The square structure was actually four buildings surrounding an open courtyard that had been built into each other. The corner the siblings had been in was the Administrative Building, which also housed business classes on it’s second floor, while the corner above it housed the student infirmary and the medical arts classes. Next to the Administrative building’s corner was the Library and Language spellcraft arts buildings corner leaving the that corner to house the student cafeteria with general education classes held on it’s second floor.

It had almost been time for the midday meal when Tobias and Phiobe had finished speaking with Headmistress Imsenko, so Reginald had offered to start their tour at the cafeteria and answer any questions they might have.
~*~
(to be continued)

Monday, April 1, 2013

April Fools Day is BULLS@#%!!!

There i said it. It’s a stupid excuse to be a dick to people. Most people don’t even realize it’s not actually a holiday. Like Anywhere. you heard me, nowhere else in the world do people go around on April 1st and make asses of themselves.*

So I’d like to extend my sincere gratitude to everyone out there who did or will not partcipate and perpetuate this heinous “holiday” by spreading misery to those around them. thanks for being a grown up. ^_^

*Correction: It is a holiday other places, and it's one based in belittling and/or pointing out the so called ignorance of those who don't share your beliefs or those who's actions you find cause to mock because they are not your own.
That's a pretty good reason to not continue a tradition who's origins have been changed from a form of protest to an excuse for malicious behavior.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

W/S: Creation.

For me writing is about creating, and writing supernatural/paranormal fiction is about creating something that by it's very definition has never been seen before.

So in a way my writing is equatable to my children.

I create and then nuture them to the point at which they are ready to go out into the wold.
I have hopes for them even when i nolonger have an active hand in their shaping.
I hope they grow old and loved by the people who know them.
And if they ever run into slash writers I hope they have lots and lots of smexysmex time. ^_^

But i think that writing can also be a group affair too big for one individual to accomplish easily. while many of us online and in other mediums write our books solo, we do not live in a vaccum. we talk to our friends, our family, our editors, our publishers, our teachers, our fellow authors, librarians, we interview character source material like scientists or police officers. we are by definition recieving help with our stories thought we are maintaing our own singular vision in most cases.

The point of this is to aknowledge within ourselves as writers that writing is more then the work we call the finished product. It comes from us, from our desires and needs. And while it's might be nice in theory, if something that tied to who we are was easy to accomplish and didn't have any other affect on our lives, sadley that isn't the case.

Treat your stories right, and treat yourself right. Good luck!

Friday, March 29, 2013

Ask TheLostSigns #6

This week's "Ask TheLostSigns" is brought to you by the characters of long running Japanese Anime. They're stupid and they need help. good thing I'm available to give it. ^_^


Dear TheLostSigns,
Me and my friends are searching for the Moon princess. Have you seen her? This magical cat with a crescent moon on her forehead snuck into my house and started talking to me. It also gave me magical powers and now i fight the Negaverse as Sailor Moon. Strangely enough most of the friends i've met have turned out to be Sailor Scouts too! There's Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Jupiter, and Sailor Venus. We've been looking for the Moon princess for a while, although we think Sailor Venus might be her, because she's so pretty and a model and stuff. What do you think?
Please help!
Must Observe Optimism Now

Hello MOON! I'd like to start off by saying thank you for writing in. I can understand how life must be really confusing for you, what with the talking cat and the superpowers. After reading your letter i was left with one nagging question, tho.
...
HOW F*CKING STUPID ARE YOU AND YOUR DUMB*SS FRIENDS?
Seriously, you're Sailor F*cking MOON. Moon is in your name. You're the god damn Moon princess.
Go back to school, cause you needs you some education.
Sincerely
TheLostSigns


Hey TheLostSigns,
I live in a town of ninjas, and one day I hope to be their leader. The best Leader they've ever known. My problem is i've got an all powerful fox spirit trapped inside me, so nobody in town will talk to me or be my friend. I'm so lonely what should i do?
Not Actually Really Up To Objecting

Thanks for the letter NARUTO.
Being the giver of sound advice for those tough life choice, I'd like to ask why what these other people think is so important to you that you'd dedicate so much of your life to them.
I can understand wanting the power that comes with being the leader, thus having control over whether they live or die, but i think that's an unhealthy ambition. It's also rather drawn out.
Wouldn't it be easier to just, i don't know, kill and eat them?
Efficiency is the name of the game.
My suggestion to you is to cut out the years of hardship and simply release the beast inside you and let it destroy your piss poor townsfolk as retribution for the misery they've caused you. You'd get away with it too, since they'd all be dead or well in your belly.
I should warn you however that everything i've read indicates that people do not taste like bacon. That'd be a problem, but i'm sure you could find some way around it.
Good luck with the upcoming massacre,
TheLostSigns