Ask TheLostSigns #2

This weeks "Ask TheLostSigns" feature questions from some Fairytale characters that we all know and love. Sadly they have problems..so many problems... 
Don't worry, tho. TheLostSigns has advice!!! (^_^)

 Dear TheLostSigns,
I've got a problem. A rather large female shaped problem. See, I'm not to good with women. It might be because I was born the most attractive man in the world and a prince, but women just don't seem to get me, you know? A while ago I was cursed to be horrendously ugly by an Evil Fairy after i refused her sexual advances. Considering I was entrusted into her care by my mother shortly after my fathers death, i don't really understand how i was so out of line as to be the recipient of this punishment.
Anyways, Recently I caught a thief ripping up my garden and stealing my enchanted rosebushes. I used my terrifying visage to scare the beggeazus out of him and before he ran off into the night he swore that he'd provide compensation for the damage he did. Now, i thought for sure that was the last I'd hear of the old bugger, but a few days later a young woman appeared claiming to be his daughter and PAYMENT for the damage. Since she's made it clear she doesn't intend to go home without making sure her father doesn't owe me anything I've done my best to make her comfortable and stay out of her way. Checking in on her, however, i've discovered her talking to random pieces of furniture and cutlery around the castle... She's also begun searching me out and trying to make conversation or just watching me as i go about my daily business. It's a bit frightening, what do i do?

In need of your fine advice,
Basically Entitled And Suddenly Disposed

BEAST-y, darling. You need to call the police.This thief and his alleged daughter have damaged your property and invaded your home. They're taking advantage of you.
It also sounds to me like this young woman might be suffering from schizophrenia and/or hallucinations if she's talking to inanimate objects. You can't really do anything to help her since your not a doctor and there is a slight chance she could become violent towards you under certain conditions. Conditions of which may become more likely now as you've stated she taking a greater interest in interacting with you.
Call the cops, now, before it's to late!!
Good Luck.


Hello Mr. TheLostSigns,
There's this guy I like, but he doesn't even know I exist. I watched him at a party one night and fell in love. I even saved him from a shipwreck when he would have drowned. My problem is after all i've done for him he never tries to meet me or come see me. He's very ungrateful, but i love him despite his many failings. My dad says I've got an unhealthy obsession with my prince,  and has forbidden me from seeking him out, but i've made some arrangements with a well known facilitator of dreams to have some corrective surgery done and then i'm going to find my handsome prince and i'm sure he'll ask me to marry him and we'll spend the rest of our lives together happily ever after. The only problem i can see is that i have to pay for my surgery with my voice so i won't be able to talk to him. Love can overcome anything right even a lack of speech right?

Tell me i can make it work!
Admittedly Really Intense Even Loving 

Dear ARIEL, you need to listen to your father. You're obsessed with this dude and it's unhealthy. You be on some Fatal Attraction level crazy and you need to stop, like, right now. Kay? Your building some kinda relationship with this man but it all in your head. You have to use your words to interact with him or he won't know about the times you spend together, understand? He's probably not ungrateful. He just doesn't know who you are or that you two have ever met.
Now, Ariel, i need you to answer me very honestly hear so i can help you. Is a "facilitator of dreams" a witch? Cause witches are bad, girl. Also, do not buy reconstructive surgery so you can mack on a guy. Don't get me wrong guys like attractive women, but they also like attractive women who can talk, even if it's only to ask what they want for dinner. How you gonna pay for surgery with YOUR voice? Are you gonna burp it into a jar or something? Your facilitator might remove your vocal cords, gurl. Those are hard to put back in.
Anwasy, My advice is to go, right now, and get you some therapy. Lot's and lots of therapy you can keep your body in tact and maybe learn how to love yourself first and listen to the people who actually know you and care about you.
Good luck!