Blog-gy stuff! (^_^)

KK, so here's the plan:

Free Fiction Tuesdays
Ask TheLostSigns Thursdays Fridays

Writing Supernaturals Saturdays Sundays

This is the Official plan! Yey!!! (^_^)

I don't have i title yet for the Free Fiction Tuesdays book, maybe i'll leave that to you guys?
I totally did the first installment for next week!!!
I did make maps and writing names and descriptions and i think i know what's going on. lol
Still gotta figure out what everyone looks like. Figured out what everyone looks like!!

I asked my brother to take over this weeks advice for "Ask TheLostSigns" but i don't know if he'll actually do it although he did say he was flabergasted by the letters i wrote to give advice to.

Still in the middle of the "Writing Supernaturals" for this week. So many pictures...gah.

Free Fiction Tuesdays: Hmmm, writing is hard.

For those of you who don't know I'm gonna start doing a free fiction Tuesdays. I wanted to start today, but.... I realized I'd done absolutely now world building on Omoria and had to figure out where everything, or at least where everything that related to the characters in this blog series, were located. So know I've got that done and i've already got the first seen started in my head i just need a bit more information on the characters appearances and names, then i'll see about getting started. I kept saying i wanted to write something EPIC** and now i get the chance.

By EPIC I don't mean long i mean high fantasy and not just urban paranormal. Also not exactly a romance more adventure with a side of booty. lol No smex scenes in this series, i'll leave that for the side stories.
I'm really excited since i'm going with a "Everything is not what it seems" and "Throw the rules out the window" approach.
wish me luck!!

New "TLP Omnimedia Cover" up on yotube!

So I just did this new cover video of Duffy's "Stepping Stone". I've like this song since shortly after it came out.

I think i did a few interesting riffs on this. But whatevers, i hope ya'll like it.
Smooches

Here's the original:

Woot Woot! (^_^)

So I've figured out the premise for my Free Fiction series. I've decided to set in Omoria and when  completed it'll be part of the Life, Love, and Learning series.

I was also lazy and didn't write my upcoming post for my other two series...sadface...

Anywasy, I hope i geet everything done in time to share it with you this week. Smooches.

Getting ahead... (^_^)

Tonight while i wait for my hotdogs to explode, I've decided that since i'm prone to procrastination I'm going to get ahead a bit on my "Writing Supernaturals" and "Ask TheLostSigns" blog series. I think maybe having a week or 2 done in advance might give me a pretty decent buffer.

wish me luck.

Smooches!

W/S: Genitals!!!

Today's post is about all the different forms of genitals used for smexing, not necessarily reproduction, in supernatural/paranormal fiction!
Yey, an excuse to say PENIS!!!..cause i'm immature like that...(^_^)

KK, but seriously there a bunch of types of genitals in supernatural/paranormal fiction. The main two you'll see are inspired by how the sexes differ in humans: the penis and the lady penis..wait...no... i mean the vagina. See, i can remember this stuff, too.

Kay, So the vagina is the "receptive" organ of a female human and sadly there isn't a lot of variation found in fiction. I'd say this is probably because of the fact that on earth there isn't a lot of different types of vaginas to use as inspiration.

 

"My darling wife. Tonight i'm gonna give it to you good!!!"

 "Sorry honey. I've got a headache..plus my vagina looks like this so you'll never find my g-spot..sadface (T_T)"

 

 *Seriously Ducks have maze like vaginas with fake off shoots that go noooowhhheerrreee and just serve to confuse would be suitors. Look it up!*

 

"Don't look at us. Fish don't even have vaginas! ...why are we in this post anyways?"

 Also, pretty much anything having to do with a vagina can also be applied to an anus and often is, although i've never read an instance where an anus is paired with a clitoris, sooo... get on that... or not. Things like moving/textured walls, temperature, and self lubrication are the things most often seen in fiction for vaginas and anuses.

Then you run into the vaginas and/or anuses that have "added" protrusions, like teeth or tentacles!

*TENTACLES!!! Except in the center of these ones is a beaked mouth where the food goes in. That doesn't really work for lady business...nomnomnom*

Now, personally i feel that adding things like teeth or spines to a vagina or anus just serves to vilify female sex organs. VILIFY I SAY!!! It's often unnecessary to the plot even when the plot is porn. As far as tentacles go, I personally see them as a "combining of" female and male sexual organs in a way that isn't obvious and thus won't be pointed to with the word hermaphrodite screamed at it. 

Hermaphrodites are pretty common in supernatural/paranormal fiction from my experience. This is probably due to the advanced science and magic as well as the need for differences between human and paranormal species. In Japan there's even a genre exclusively tuned toward hermaphroditic characters called Futanari.

"Excuse me Miss. You appear to have a rather large..boner?"

*Note: You do not want to know how much Futanari porn i had to look through to find this ONE safe-ish picture. sooo much pornzzz...(>_<)*

On to the Penis!!! (hehe, see what i did there! lol)

 The penis, unlike the vagina and anus, is basicly a protrusion from the body, plus it already comes in two forms for human males (Circumcised and Uncircumcised). It's relatively easy to substitute basically anything in its place or add something to the existing testicle/penis combo (McDonald's...I don't know why i put that...I wrote the word combo and immediately thought of the McDonald's value menu. lol "Would you like extra balls with that shake?" ). Arms? Yes. Feet? Yep. Tentacles? Hells Ya! Ears? Ehhh, no. Maybe for lady business so she can hear you coming, tho. (Hehe, i did it again!) 

Many authors add to the number of testicles or penises a character has that a human might not have. 

"Why does Timmy have 4 balls, mommy?" 

"Radiation Billy. Radiation!"

You'll also run into instance of more than one penis per individual. While you might think having more than one penis is impossible, snakes and a lot of other reptiles actually have 2 phalluses called Hemipenes.

"I'm poisoness, and i've got two dicks!! Jelly much? MUAHAHAHA ...iwishicoulddance..."

Other animals which have penises often mimic-ed or substituted in supernatural/paranormal fiction are:

 

*Canine penises have a knot at the base that locks the partners together. It also looks like a tumor.*

 

*Horses have penises. They're ribbed for someones pleasure.*

*Aww cute kitty! So innocent. Secretly a feline's penis has barbs which extend toward it's body for easy penetration, and ripping out insides during removal. Owww."

*Dolphins penises are Not prehensile, a common misconception. Their ejaculations are also not forceful enough to do bodily harm, apparently. The more you know!*

Here are some other types of real penises, just because i feel like making you rinse your brain out with Clorox later.

 

*Elephant penises are shaped like the letter "S". This is not weird for Elephants it's only weird for you.*

 *Echidna's have 4 headed penises. They also lay eggs, because God loves them more than us*

That's pretty much everything having to do with genitals used for smexing in fiction.

Until next time. 

Ask TheLostSigns #1

Thanks for tuning in to the first installment of "Ask TheLostSigns", where your all knowing TheLostSigns commentator gives his real advice to some not-so-real people. (^_^)
In honor of Valentine's Day's recent passing today's letters are awesome. Does that make any sense? No, it does not, but TheLostSigns is fine with that!

Dear TheLostSigns,
I'm  writing you today, because i'm tired. I'm a long lived god who spends my days shooting my love, and hate, arrows at unsuspecting mortals in order to help them find true love. Meanwhile my own true love evades me. My last real relationship was ages ago and ended badly. She just couldn't handle all the restrictions placed on our relationship. It's not my fault i couldn't let her see what i look like! So there i am sneaking into her room under cover of darkness in the middle of the night and thinking everything is going great when one night i awaken to her WATCHING me sleep and dripping candle wax on me. I high tailed it outta there. Bitches be crazy! But now a couple thousand years have passed and i'm ready to put myself out there again. How do I start?

Sincerely,
Can't Unsee Peeping Immature Dim-wit

Hi, CUPID. Thank you for taking the time to write me with your question. The first step to finding an answer is asking the right questions! Now, before i get to your question i'd like to take a moment and address something in your letter that really concerned me. For your own sake, and that of the people you purport to help, please stop going around doping people. Date Rape is not as fun as it sounds. It is also illegal in pretty much every country on the planet to drug someone without their knowledge, even if it's for the sake of "true love". Also breaking and entering is a felony. Please don't sneak into peoples homes, even if they're your "girlfriend".
Now, on to your question! I can understand your trepidation at putting yourself out there, but you'll never meet someone sneaking around drugging people and having anonymous sex. It sounds, "vaguely", like you yourself are in the matchmaking business, but your approach at work is probably affecting your ability to find love in your personal life. Are you waiting around for someone to drug you without your knowledge? Cause that never ends well. I recommend changing your approach to love. It's not about drugs, it's about people and free will. You're a god, perhaps try using your powers to create safe spaces so people can get to know each other. Bringing together people from different walks of life who might not have otherwise met would be a good way to spend your time. I think you'll find that you might even be more open minded about love coming into your own life, and will probably have more opportunities to pursue a relationship yourself. Good Luck!


 Yo TheLostSigns,
What's hanging dude? My wife be all types of crazy. I mean I love her, man, but she be busting my balls something fierce. She found out about me and some other ho, and she sent FLIES to harass her all day and night. Who does that? Oh, and then this other time she put some SNAKES up in the crib of one of my kids. Snakes and Babies, for reals. She's hell'a jealous of all the hot chicks i be banging on the side. What am i supposed to do about the wifey drama?

Woot-woot!
Zoophilia's Uncool Except Sex

Hello, ZUES. You're a slut. Yes, you heard me. In fact, you're not only a slut you're the worst type of slut there is, a dishonest slut. Your letter tells me that you've been sleeping around on your wife, whom you profess to love while calling her crazy and expounding upon her multiple jealous, bordering homicidal, tendencies.

So you've got two options that i can see:
The first is divorce. Obviously she's not providing you with what you need sexually, and she appears to be dangerous to anyone you come into contact with. Eventually she may stop directing her feelings at the other parties and start directing them at you. So unless you wanna sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life get outta there. Or better yet, she may get fed up with your philandering ways and divorce you!
The second option is to sit down and discuss your situation with your wife. This can result in one of two events occurring. The one you'll be hoping for is being met with understanding and gratitude for revealing yourself to her. This will hopefully lead to redefining the terms of your marriage, perhaps even an open marriage where in you both are enabled to pursue other sexual partner with each others support, while maintaining a strong loving relationship with each other. Result two is that after discussing your feelings with your wife YOU make an effort to rehabilitate your whoring ways and remain faithful to your wife. You say you love her, maybe you should act like it. Either way, you need to make it work, or there will be divorce or murder in your future. Good Luck.


Until next weeks installment, keep on keeping on!

TheLostSigns encourages anyone and everyone to send in letters from your own characters or from your favorite characters. we'll be sure to answer them to the best of our ability. (^_^)